Forgiveness and Trauma

 Hi beautiful people. Today I want to talk about the importance of forgiveness post-trauma.

While this can often feel like an incredibly complex topic, it really doesn’t have to be.

During the time I’ve been coaching I’ve noticed that somewhere along the way, the meaning of the word has been turned into something that it truly isn’t.

Forgiveness isn’t a thumbs-up to the person who hurt you (or a pad in the back for you) if you’re having a hard time forgiving yourself for something.

Forgiveness is a releasing feeling.

Think of it in steps.

Step one is accepting that what happened is now out of your hands.

Step two is figuring out what the lesson was in it.

Step three is learning that lesson, so you never have to repeat it again.

Step four is moving on with your life without obsessing over the characters, the event, or the consequences of that period of your life.

And here is the thing. Not following those steps, has consequences. Take for example a woman who is betrayed by her best friend.

Her best friend does something “unforgivable” to her and they end up parting ways.

Now the friend that did the hurting feels tremendous guilt and shame around what she did. So when her kids are born, she makes sure she lets them know that there is no such thing as a good friend.

Her kids of course believe it, and end up growing up feeling a life of emptiness and untrust.

But what about the friend that was hurt?

Even though her experience is completely different, she feels the same way about friendship. “You can’t trust anyone,” she says. “there is no such thing as a good friend”

So now we have the classic scenario of two unhealed people spreading their pain.

How could this have been avoided?

Well, they each could have completed the grieving process.

Most people seem to stop their grieving process at the most painful point. That’s like stopping a roller coaster in the middle of the free-fall.

You never get to complete the process.

If both women would have done their share of forgiveness, they would have learned the lesson. They would have released the pain, and they would have gotten a chance to experience the beauty that lay beneath that pain.

Now. This doesn’t mean they have to talk to each other. You are never required to talk to an abuser or anyone that hurt you.

Forgiveness is all about you.

It’s not about anyone else but you.

Does that make sense?

I hope this helped clear some stuff up beautiful. I will be going much more in-depth on how to heal and forgive in The Trauma Healing Academy so make sure you sign up for the waiting list here.

I love you so much. 

Edna